{"id":281,"date":"2020-10-03T16:24:49","date_gmt":"2020-10-03T15:24:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/comedyvsclimatechange.wordpress.com\/?p=281"},"modified":"2021-01-21T11:40:32","modified_gmt":"2021-01-21T11:40:32","slug":"which-sustainable-shopper-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/comedyvsclimatechange.org\/?p=281","title":{"rendered":"Which sustainable shopper are you?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When it comes to the climate crisis, fast-fashion is now one of the hottest (excuse the pun) of topics. Kate from Lizzie McGuire<\/em> may have scarred us all into believing that \u2018outfit repeaters\u2019 are social outcasts, but I\u2019m pleased to tell you that she couldn\u2019t be further from the truth. In fact, it\u2019s never been more en vogue <\/em>to dress sustainably, delving deep into your imagination and wardrobe. And not in a Narnia kind of way, though Tumnus knows how to accessorize like nobody\u2019s business. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, now that we know it\u2019s certifiably cool to go green without Kate Sanders definitely embarrassing us in front of the whole entire school \u2013 we have to ask, what kind of eco-shopper are you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Charity Shopper<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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They are stealth, they are grace, they are putting highstreet brands in their place. The Charity Shopper is the hunter of the pack and can sniff out a bargain better than your mum at a car boot sale.  CS\u2019s possess enough talent to rival Joseph and his Dreamcoat and perform high-street miracles on the reg. Each aisle is scoured methodically for second-hand gold and nothing escapes their roving eyes. After rummaging elbows deep in a box of cravats and battered fascinators, you think they might well have lost their touch and turn to leave, disappointed and empty-handed. But, just when all hope seems lost, the Charity Shopper will cry out with glee and emerge victorious in a velvet Armani cloak with matching gloves. All for just 75p.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

You kick yourself for missing it, but soon give them the standing ovation they rightly deserve. Everyone starts clapping, the slightly pass-agg woman named Janet behind the till breaks into a jig, and Guy, the guy shuffling about near the puzzles, sheds a single tear. You are all suddenly infinite. Bravo! Bravah! \u201cWhat a day to be alive,\u201d cries the town crier as he weeps into your shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Vintage Queen<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Ah, the Vintage Queen. A rare breed, but when you see one, you can\u2019t help but bow down. Now, they\u2019ll have some extra cash on hand because real vintage doesn\u2019t come cheap, but don\u2019t be bitter; journey with caution into the past, (like Anastasia), because shoulder pads and flares aren\u2019t for the faint-hearted. Sadly, try as we might \u2013 we can\u2019t all be Florence Given<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rivalry between the Charity Shopper and the Vintage Queen is as old as time. The Charity Shopper will argue until the cows come into the house<\/em>, that vintage shops are a bourgeois scam and purpose-built for monied hipsters, but Madame Vintage simply won\u2019t hear it. They might come with a hefty price tag, but vintage clothing does generally tend to be more durable – if it\u2019s made it through the 70s with no signs of wear apart from that slightly musty smell, it\u2019s probably going to outlive us all. Don\u2019t tell the C. Shoppers, but these Queens might have a point. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Keep your eye on these time-machine loving icons, though. If left to their own devices for too long, they might start wearing a ruff, consuming large banquets and drinking sweet, sweet port at midday. If this happens, they\u2019ve entered \u2018the Tudor phase\u2019, and you\u2019ll need more than a DeLorean to save them. All you can do is get them a day job at Hampton Court and hope nobody asks them too many questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Seamstress<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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By far the most talented of the crew, the Seamstress is a sustainable goddess. They revel in the Victorian glamour of it all and somehow manage to teach themselves how to use an utterly baffling contraption whilst you were binge-watching Tiger King. It starts with pillows and scrunchies, maybe face masks if there\u2019s a pandemic on, but almost always ends in home-grown couture. One summer\u2019s day, they\u2019ll emerge in their curtains – Enchanted<\/em> style – and, having somehow fashioned the perfect look without the help of magical mice, will surely make a splash at the local Greggs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sewing machines aren\u2019t cheap, but they\u2019re a brilliant investment – if only to live out your Project Runway<\/em> fantasy where you can sweat profusely over a bold floral print and assure Tim Gunn<\/a>, with a weak smile, that everything is under control. You cry to the camera, but ultimately take home the crown after winning the judges over with a ferosh tulle skirt and bold headpiece. Daydreaming definitely<\/em> counts as self-care.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The Fixer Upper<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not to be confused with the meticulous Seamstress, a little rough around the edges, the lovable Fixer Upper works with what they\u2019ve got. They may put in less effort than the rest, but don\u2019t be fooled, the Fixer Upper is resourceful. Most likely a professional hoarder and deathly afraid of Marie Condo<\/a>, they will wear the living daylights out of their wardrobe and re-invent items to a fault. A few safety pins and a patch can go a long way though, and, as long as you don\u2019t mind a bit of wear and tear, will extend the lifespan of your wardrobe exponentially. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Warning:<\/strong> If you spot the Fixer Upper zipping about town in the same shirt they wore to the Year 11 disco, it might be time for a serious intervention. The line between sustainable fashion and a cry for help is a thin one. They\u2019re a sensitive soul and won\u2019t let go of items without a fight, so parting ways with their favorite pieces will be tough. They will<\/em> treat it as a breakup, so make sure you\u2019ve got all the essentials on hand: wine, facemasks, and a good-old-fashioned Danny Devito coloring book. No, really, they exist \u2013 you can get them on Etsy. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Fast-fashion, what now?<\/strong>

We can see you…yes, you hiding under the table. You just ordered another summer dress from Boohoo, didn\u2019t you? Oh, really? Well, I can literally <\/em>see the plastic debris on the floor. You can\u2019t hide from us. Don\u2019t worry, we\u2019re not coming round with the pitchforks, and we promise we won\u2019t chant shame, shame, shame the next time you strut down the street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nearly all of us buy clothes online, but try to check yourself next time you end up boredom-scrolling on ASOS or PrettyLittleThing. Block out the Siren call of fast-fashion and empty that basket, all of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Photos via Canva<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When it comes to the climate crisis, fast-fashion is now one of the hottest (excuse the pun) of topics. Kate from Lizzie McGuire may have scarred us all into believing that \u2018outfit repeaters\u2019 are social outcasts, but I\u2019m pleased to tell you that she couldn\u2019t be further from the truth. In fact, it\u2019s never been 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