What’s the different between a portaloo at Latitude Festival 2016, and the 1st of January 2021?
I lost my V card in both! Haha, but really… Now that we’ve gotten the jokes out of the way – yes the rumours are true: I am now a vegan.
This may perhaps come to some people as a surprise. If you follow me on social media (@rhysroddy, don’t be shy) you know how much I LOVE all food, including animal products. Like many of us, however, I have always been conscious of the environmental problems produced by the meat and dairy industry and my role as a consumer within that hot mess. So, on the hallowed day of the 1st of January 2021, I decided to take the plunge and go full on V. Because journaling is en vogue, I wanted to chronicle the stages of my break-up from animal products to my new relationship with all things vegan. So, here goes:
Stage 1: Desperate For Answers
You’ve been in your carnivorous relationship for 22 years now, and it’s going great. You’ve had some really special times. But you’re aware of the problems and have toyed with the idea of leaving. As you sip your oat milk latte you think to yourself ‘hmm, I’m basically a vegan anyway, should I…no that’s silly…but…should I…?’. So you read an article (and by ‘read an article’ I of course mean watch a TikTok) about how going vegan is the ‘single biggest way’ to reduce your environmental impact and you start to think.
The environmental case for going vegan is certainly the most pervasive at the moment and was absolutely the one which convinced me. Of course the ethics matter as well – we famously love animals (other than pandas – they’re lazy and take up valuable resources (and that’s an opinion backed up by science so don’t @ me), but mainly I did it for the environment.
There is an overwhelming amount of research which shows the harmful effects meat and dairy agriculture have and its disproportionate consequences: these two industries account for 60% of greenhouse gas emissions whilst only providing 37% of the world’s protein. In fact, the lead author in that study has said that “A vegan diet is probably the single biggest way to reduce your impact on planet Earth, not just greenhouse gases, but global acidification, eutrophication, land use and water use”.
You’re aware that whipping out your metal straw down the pub and bringing your tote bag to big Tesco isn’t enough: you want to do more to stop the impending doom of the climate crisis and so you make a decision. You break up, and meet a new gal. A ve-gal. (I’m sorry).
Stage 2: Denial
In the initial stages of your new relationship with Lady V, you begin to reminisce about your ex. All your lockdown cooking projects: gone. The banana bread? No more. That juicy steak you even bought a cast iron skillet for? Say goodbye. That tender Tacos Al Pastor you spend 3 days (3 DAYS!!!) marinating? Adios.
Suddenly the options become bleak. What the fuck can vegans actually eat? You begin to think maybe Piers wasn’t wrong when he started frothing at the mouth over the thought of a vegan sausage roll (jks, the Gregg’s Vegan Sausage Roll is nothing short of a culinary masterpiece and will not hear anything else on the matter).
But it’s since dawned on me that, in truth, I really haven’t struggled to find things to eat as a vegan. Some pursue a strictly all natural/veg diet, in which case you can go to the vegetable aisle and absoluuuutely go off queen. If like me, however, you want to explore meat substitutes, there are a TONNE of vegan options.
I went into Lidl yesterday (not a flex, just the truth), and they had a whole aisle of vegan meat and dairy alternatives, which now genuinely taste great. I even gave my very traditional meat-and-two-veg Irish stepdad vegan black pudding (I know) and he couldn’t tell the difference. Perhaps this new lady has a few tricks up her sleeve… So I want to reassure anyone worried about struggling with the dietary limitations: there is so much out there. And don’t fret if some of the options don’t appeal, because there are plenty more fishless fish in the freezer aisle.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Things are going great in the new relaish. You’re getting to know each other more and you’ve even started to introducing her to your friends – finally experiencing the best part of being a vegan: telling people you’re a vegan.
One day you plate up your vegan spag-bol, full of its ethically sourced and environmentally conscious goodness. But oh, what’s that? You see half a block of parmesan left over from your old m*eat eating days.
You pause. It’s fine, what’s a little sprinkling of parm going to do? Surely the vegan gods will be fine with a silly little bit o’ cheese?? And so you think: WWGD (what would Greta do?)
Stage 4: Relapse
DON’T LOOK AT ME GRETA you scream as you grate a small heap of parmesan on your plate, watching it oooze all over the tomatoey lentils. You finish your dinner and realise what you’ve done. You’re going to have some explaining to do in the morning.
I really thought I was going to miss meat and dairy. They used to be such a massive part of my diet, but in reality I’m not even tempted by them anymore. If, however, you are struggling and missing meat, maybe just have a bit?? I’m sure the vegan deities will be kind to you, and Lady V will be ready to welcome you back with open arms.
Stage 5: Anger
You start to think about vegan culture and realise that, with an inside perspective, it does pose a lot of problems. For me, it’s the white, Eurocentric model of veganism within which lurks the colonisation of food. The socio-political undercurrent of food and its cultures has recently come to light, with several white recipe developers ‘inventing’ a recipe that has been existence in the East for thousands of years.
Take Alison Roman, a white cook-book author who recently got cancelled for a racist take on Twitter, and who ‘created’ a ‘creamy coconut chickpea stew’ that started trending on twitter as #thestew. Those of you from a South-Indian background, however, will know this recipe simply as chana masala: a South-Indian dish that has existed for literally over three-thousand years.
More generally, popular culture recently discovered turmeric: that magical yellow powder that allows you to buy the spirituality of the East as an Insta-ready latte for the total cost of £5.50. Little do they know that turmeric milk, or Haldi, is meant to remedy illness, and not decorate your overpriced coffee.
Whilst I think it’s great to experience and experiment with the spices of another place, I think it’s problematic to strip away all cultural and spiritual markers from their context, simply to commodify a nation’s culture in the process.
By all means use Indian spices in whatever way you think works, but don’t disconnect it from the culture it came from. Most South-Indian dishes happen to be vegan. However when white vegan recipe developers don’t acknowledge the origins of their dishes, they are denying the East a voice and by extension taking ownership of the East’s long-established cultural identity.
Stage 6: Initial Acceptance
Okay. So you’ve gotten over the fact it can cost up to £2 for a carton of oat milk, and have begun to experiment with vegan food alternatives (all aboard the home-made-cashew-cream-as-an-alternative-for-cheese-sauce train, umm ticket for one please!).
You’ve still got that block of parm in the fridge, for old time’s sake, but it’s fine. You’re really getting to know the vegan life atm and it feels great. Ve-great. (sorry, again.)
Stage 7: Redirected Hope
You’re happy with your new relationship. It’s still early days, but you feel good.
It’s been just over a month since I first changed my diet and I’m really enjoying it! I do feel hungry more often, but this just means I spend more thinking of other ways to get protein. We live in an age of information overload where there are several great vegan chefs (check out The Avant Garde Vegan on YouTube, a personal fave of mine ), who will tell you all the ways to get a balanced nutritious vegan diet.
I’m still in the process of finding out what works for me, but already I’ve tried a bunch of different options, all of which I think are great. If you’re feeling super healthy, go for greens, if you’re feeling ambitious go for a vegan lasagne, and if you’re feeling lazy, vegan junk food is absolutely kicking off this year.
I do also feel a lot better, not just in terms of my diet – but mentally. The climate crisis isn’t just bad news physically, it’s pretty damaging to our mental health too because it leaves us feeling powerless against this all-consuming situation. Changing my diet has given me a tangible way to feel like I’m actively contributing to making a positive change. And I’m sure there’s some science behind vegetables making you feel good? Idk I’m no mathamagician.
Going vegan has made me rethink my contribution to the environment around me and has allowed me to explore a whole other fantastical side of food. I think this relationship is gonna last…
Rhys is Capricorn from South-West London (but was raised a Virgo). After studying music at Durham University, he began work within the theatre industry, which is famously thriving right now. Rhys has so far successfully become a vegan and hopes this article will encourage you to take the plunge.