Which sustainable shopper are you?

They are stealth, they are grace, they are putting highstreet brands in their place. The Charity Shopper is the hunter of the pack and can sniff out a bargain better than your mum at a car boot sale.  CS’s possess enough talent to rival Joseph and his Dreamcoat and perform high-street miracles on the reg. Each aisle is scoured methodically for second-hand gold and nothing escapes their roving eyes. After rummaging elbows deep in a box of cravats and battered fascinators, you think they might well have lost their touch and turn to leave, disappointed and empty-handed. But, just when all hope seems lost, the Charity Shopper will cry out with glee and emerge victorious in a velvet Armani cloak with matching gloves. All for just 75p.

Ah, the Vintage Queen. A rare breed, but when you see one, you can’t help but bow down. Now, they’ll have some extra cash on hand because real vintage doesn’t come cheap, but don’t be bitter; journey with caution into the past, (like Anastasia), because shoulder pads and flares aren’t for the faint-hearted. Sadly, try as we might – we can’t all be Florence Given.

The rivalry between the Charity Shopper and the Vintage Queen is as old as time. The Charity Shopper will argue until the cows come into the house, that vintage shops are a bourgeois scam and purpose-built for monied hipsters, but Madame Vintage simply won’t hear it. They might come with a hefty price tag, but vintage clothing does generally tend to be more durable – if it’s made it through the 70s with no signs of wear apart from that slightly musty smell, it’s probably going to outlive us all. Don’t tell the C. Shoppers, but these Queens might have a point. 

By far the most talented of the crew, the Seamstress is a sustainable goddess. They revel in the Victorian glamour of it all and somehow manage to teach themselves how to use an utterly baffling contraption whilst you were binge-watching Tiger King. It starts with pillows and scrunchies, maybe face masks if there’s a pandemic on, but almost always ends in home-grown couture. One summer’s day, they’ll emerge in their curtains – Enchanted style – and, having somehow fashioned the perfect look without the help of magical mice, will surely make a splash at the local Greggs.

Sewing machines aren’t cheap, but they’re a brilliant investment – if only to live out your Project Runway fantasy where you can sweat profusely over a bold floral print and assure Tim Gunn, with a weak smile, that everything is under control. You cry to the camera, but ultimately take home the crown after winning the judges over with a ferosh tulle skirt and bold headpiece. Daydreaming definitely counts as self-care.

Not to be confused with the meticulous Seamstress, a little rough around the edges, the lovable Fixer Upper works with what they’ve got. They may put in less effort than the rest, but don’t be fooled, the Fixer Upper is resourceful. Most likely a professional hoarder and deathly afraid of Marie Condo, they will wear the living daylights out of their wardrobe and re-invent items to a fault. A few safety pins and a patch can go a long way though, and, as long as you don’t mind a bit of wear and tear, will extend the lifespan of your wardrobe exponentially. 

Warning: If you spot the Fixer Upper zipping about town in the same shirt they wore to the Year 11 disco, it might be time for a serious intervention. The line between sustainable fashion and a cry for help is a thin one. They’re a sensitive soul and won’t let go of items without a fight, so parting ways with their favorite pieces will be tough. They will treat it as a breakup, so make sure you’ve got all the essentials on hand: wine, facemasks, and a good-old-fashioned Danny Devito coloring book. No, really, they exist – you can get them on Etsy.