Now, admit it. If you clicked on this link, you’ve definitely watched it. Sure you might have tweeted about how bad it was a couple of times, but fess up – you ate up every single second. It may have been for all the wrong reasons, but hey – 2020 has been hard on all of us.
This Sex and the City fan-fiction is full of surprises, from the morally ambiguous marketing career choices of Emily herself to the fact that at one point the French actually don’t seem to have ever heard of social media – c’est quoi ce twitter??? The Netflix romp, custom-made for a very bored Gen-Z in lockdown, asks far more questions than it answers. But, against all odds, it also leaves us wanting so, so, so much more.
‘Now what’s the purpose of all this?’ I hear you ask. ‘How is this going to help me make more informed and sustainable lifestyle choices? And what, in god’s name, does Greta think about all this?’
If you’ve watched this show, you’re clearly no stranger to trash. But have you ever wondered which specific plastic each character might be? Sit back, relax, and let us tell you all about Emily in Paris…in plastics.
GABRIEL – PET/PETE
As one of the only redeeming features of this show, Gabriel, a.k.a the hot chef/neighbour, has got to be Polyethylene Terephthalate (PET or PETE). There isn’t really any competition. Clear, strong and dependable, you just know where you’re at with PET. Enter to stage right, the plastic bottle. Now, we know what you’re thinking. Isn’t that supposed the villain of the piece? Would that it were so simple! PET is basically the Harry Styles of the plastic world: it gained a bad-boy rep (I Knew You Were Trouble, 2012) but then had a complete glow up (Watermelon Sugar, 2020).
Now it’s basically the poster child of the recycling movement as one of the most commonly recycled plastics, so we’re just really rooting for it. Extra points for Gabriel!! Let’s not get carried away though. Gabriel lives next door, so like bottled water on a hot day, he’s a tall glass of convenience. He isn’t exactly the iconic boyfriend we needed him to be to Camille either, and like our friend Icarus, he often flies a little too close to the sun. The sun, in this case, being Emily’s face.
Plastic bottles might be recyclable in theory, but eighty percent of them still end up in landfills. They are often exported too; the majority of America’s plastic waste is handled by nations in the global south, overwhelming these countries and resulting in a lack of capacity to manage their own plastic waste on top. Also, the toxic phthalates in PET bottles can leak into the water and thus, our bodies. Gabriel, similarly, is a bit of a poisoned chalice and is best enjoyed in small doses. Hold onto your Chilly bottles, ladies.
EMILY – High-Density Polyethylene (HDPE)
We hate to say it, but Emily has got to be HDPE: the plastic bag of the bunch. She’s annoying, is a little embarrassing to be seen with in public and, at least to Sylvie, is virtually impossible to get rid of. According to the son of the Swedish engineer who created them, plastic bags were initially invented as an alternative to paper ones. Much like our Emily, Gustaf Thulin swept in to save the day and actually ended up making the situation ten times worse.
HDPE is as ‘basic’ as Emily’s fashion sense. Like her *WEEP* Paris bag charm, plastic bags pose a choking risk to marine life and animals! Plastic bags are meant to support you when you most need them, but, infamously, they almost always break when the going gets tough. Emily only has two friends in Paris, Camille and Mindy, but effectively snakes both of them in real-time. She lies to Camille every five seconds and barely lifts a finger when Mindy loses her job. If you want a BFF, you’re better off with a tote. Fact.
MINDY – Acrylic
Mindy, the nanny-singer-zipper-millionairess, is quite possibly the most two-dimensional character throughout the entire Netflix kingdom – except perhaps Robby Keene in Cobra Kai, who has so little personality it’s a wonder he doesn’t just topple over every time he’s caught up in a scrap. There’s just so much to unpack when it comes to Mindy, but at the same time nothing at all. Like the fact she fled to Paris when she became a meme? What a relatable plot line. At least the Frostie’s kid finally feels seen.
Like Mindy, acrylic is as transparent as it gets. It therefore makes a great alternative to glass and is used in everything from paint to windows. You also probably used it to make something weird in Year 7 D.T. that you tried to pass off as a Christmas present to you dad.
But acrylic starts to show its true colours when it comes to fashion. Acrylic fibre is fossil-fuel based, a type of plastic the fossil-fuel industry is pivoting to as green-energy rises in transportation, which is on track to be a scarily big source of pollution. It’s also non-biodegradable, releases micro-plastics into waterways every time it’s washed and is mainly composed of acrylonitrile, a highly toxic and dangerous carcinogen. Both Acrylic and Mindy commit GRIEVOUS crimes in the name of fashion, making them a match made in landfill.
LUC – Polystyrene
Luc is the guy who works at the French ‘marketing firm’ who looks more like a Dutch art teacher who lives on a canal boat than an Account Manager, but he does still have that stereotypical je ne sais quoi. Like Luc’s hair, Polystyrene is a windblown substance. It has a tendency to drift away in the wind and water currents, and often collects on the shore. This is bad news for us because it takes at least 500 years to break down. But, like Luc, Polystyrene isn’t all bad. It’s lightweight, often comes bearing takeaway food, and it’s really flexible.
To be fair, Luc hasn’t displayed any notable prowess when it comes to gymnastics, but he does look like he could pass for a Cirque du Soleil clown. Zipping around Paris on his electric scooter, Luc looks after number one and won’t be putting his job on the line for some American upstart. Non, monsieur! Polystyrene is also pretty selfish and fickle as far as plastic goes. It’s non-biodegradable, really difficult to recycle, and, similar to Luc at Savoir, has made itself part of the furniture. Literally. Furniture often comes packaged inside of it.
JULIEN – Silicone
Silicone, which is not *strictly* a plastic, is controversial. So is our beloved Julien. He may be wonderfully cheeky, but his allegiances shape-shift quicker than desert sand. One moment he’s all about helping Emily, and the next he’s masterminding bullying tactics with Luc in the corner. Like Julien, silicone is not to be completely trusted: as Life Without Plastic argue, it’s not quite as ‘green’ as marketing companies like to make out.
Touted as an alternative to single-use plastic because it can be cleaned and used again, be aware that it can leach toxic chemicals and does not decompose easily. Having said that, silicone is fun! Think sex toys, unbreakable glasses and those ice cube trays that come in craaazy shapes. The lesson here: like Julien, silicone is here for a good time, and probably a long time too.
SYLVIE – Polyvinyl Chloride (Vinyl or PVC)
Sylvie, Sylvie, Sylvie. Toxique, mais oui, but also fiery, strong and super resistant to change. Bien sur. We all wish we had a generous helping of Sylvie’s moxy, but, like PVC, it’s probably best kept to a minimum. Like Sylvie, PVC is one of the most dangerous plastics around if you get on the wrong side of it. This puppy leaks all kinds of negativity, notably dioxin, which is a man-made poison, and poses a direct threat to the ozone layer. The l-i-t-e-r-a-l shade of it all.
Sylvie isn’t here to make friends, that’s for sure. She’s a force to be reckoned with and, let’s be real, Emily really is no match for this maverick marketing titan. Sadly for the environment though, PVC is exactly the same. Used in toys, shampoo bottles, pipes and construction, PVC is rarely recycled and, like Sylvie, is completely unapologetic about any of it.
As you can imagine, the lack of any discernible character arc, or depth in this show, actually made this article incredibly difficult to write. So, if donating to Plastic Oceans and the Plastic Pollution Coalition is possible for you, please do consider also donating to the Writers Guild of America. They clearly need your help, now more than ever.
Rosalie is a freelance writer (lol) and semi-comedian. She’s been called a ‘Renaissance woman in the truest form’ and loves giving out unsolicited advice on subjects she knows very little about. Somehow she’s written for real life publications like Funny Women, Chortle, Times Higher Education and Journoresources. BBC radio featured her sketches and introduced her as a ‘Wiltshire Wit’ which will feature on her biodegradable tombstone.