In the era solely known as ‘the new normal’, we have been deprived of many of the luxuries of 21st century life. The tender embrace of an old friend. The knowing touch of a lover’s hand. Using ‘travel’ as a justifiable personality trait. But there is one particularly poignant experience we all took for granted, and now are struggling to live without:
Strutting out of Pret à Manger with your 12 oz keep cup spewing at the brim with a double shot mocha.
Indeed, if we are to cast our minds back to January 2020, a gentle smile may curl at our lips, brought to us by a fond, slightly hazy memory. The memory of publicly shaming any and all of our friends who were still drinking from non-reusable coffee cups.
But what now? What is to become of our glass and polypropylene friends, with their stylish grey caps and classic cork rims? Working from home has made us revaluate our priorities and our kitchenware. And in houses full of china mugs and Ikea beakers, what role can we find for our faithful travel companions?
Well don’t worry! Here at The Dump we’ve got your back. Here are 10 things you can do with your reusable cups at home!
1. As a keep cup
Yes, after much scientific speculation, we can confirm that your beloved vessel does in fact work in your own home. Many people have been in contact with us here at The Dump to confirm these rumours, and we are pleased to release the results of our most recent study.
After collecting data from a vast sample (n = 2), 100% of people who used keep cups at home found that it did in fact work as a cup, which they were allowed to ‘keep’ after imbibing their beverage of choice. So get the kettle on, it’s powdered cappuccinos for everyone!
2. To stay connected
Lockdown can be isolating. In a time of social distancing, it’s more important than ever for us to stay in touch with our friends, our loved ones, and our horrible landlords. However, lockdown has also been a period of drastically increased screen time! From Zoom meetings to recording TikTok dances, it’s easy to get pulled into a digital rabbit hole. So why not connect the old-fashioned way?
Take a keep cup, drill through the bottom (get an adult to help you!) and attach a piece of string long enough to reach your companion (we recommend buying at least 12 miles worth). Get them to buckle their keep cup to the other end, and enjoy a coffee and catch up with the childlike wonder of a bygone age!
3. As a plant pot
So, you decided to go down the indoor gardening route to appease your lockdown blues? Well don’t worry, this one is easy! Simply buy a lot of soil. And we mean a lot. You can literally only buy massive, massive bags of the stuff. Then take a few minutes to think about how much money you spent on dirt.
Next, take a tiny, tiny fraction of the masses of soil you now own, and gently pat it into your keep cup. Finally, put in a few seeds of your choice, and cover (bonus bragging points for any species which is ridiculously difficult to cultivate). Water regularly, and watch your filthy keep cup do absolutely nothing!
4. As a pen pot
Liked the sound of a plant pot, but worried that you’re a toxic nurturer? Well we’ve got you! Empty out your cup, chuck in a few pens, and BAM! Your new work colleague is ready for business.
A pen pot has all of the advantages and elegance of the plant pot, but without the constant reminder of your own mortality – what’s not to love!
5. As a pretend dog when you do yoga with Adrienne, from Yoga with Adrienne
Ever seen Adrienne lean over and give Benjie a scratch during your daily flow? Seething with jealousy? Well why not make yourself a little workout companion!
Buy a pack of googly eyes, a few pipe cleaners, and get crafting. The flexibility of the keep cup lends itself perfectly to the craft of yoga, and we for one have loved making some stand in pets to silently cheer us on! Namaste.
6. Learn the cup song from Pitch Perfect
2012 saw one of the most dramatic cultural shifts of our time – the release of Pitch Perfect, the film. All over the globe, children, parents, and ‘hip’ grandparents were necking beverages of all temperatures just to flip their cups and begin bashing out that fateful tune: the cup song.
But for some of us, the complex rhythmic compositions of the cup song were too tricky to master. And importantly – we have never, ever let it go. Well now is the time to change that! Polish off your hot drink, flip that cup, and start learning. At least no one can hear your frustrated cries whilst we’re all working from home!
7. As a swear jar
This will probably be required if you try option 6 (use another keep cup – we know you have a secret hoard).
If you don’t carry change, just gently tap your Monzo card against your cup each time you drop a tasty f-bomb.
8. As an audience member for the powerful monologue you recite in the privacy of your own room and tell NO ONE about
During the murky depths of lockdown, the National Theatre released several recordings of incredible high-budget performances to keep the public entertained. But I needn’t be telling you; you already know. Remember Gillian Anderson’s breath-taking performance in A Streetcar Named Desire? Remember the long nights spent in your bedroom, re-enacting her best bits with your own artistic flare?
Well I have news for you, kid. You’re a talent. You’re a star! The world is waiting, so get rehearsing! Grab another of your many many keep cups, perch that bad boy on a shelf, and get ready to polish your performance – you’re going to leave them breathless.
9. Pretending you can hear the sea
All of our holidays have been cancelled (Boooo!) but there is hope (Oooooh…?). Take your keep cup, gently press it up to your ear, and close your eyes. Yes. What can you hear? The gentle crashing of the waves; the foam of the surf lapping at the shore; the sound of a gull in the distance (or in the local bins).
In the era of the staycation, it takes a bit of creativity to produce your own relaxing holiday package. Luckily, your keep cup is here to help! For an added extra, why not do this in the bath, and pretend you’re floating in the Med? I promise this is not as sad or weird as it sounds.
10. As a vessel for the tears you shed in lockdown. A memento.
Look, it’s been tough. We know. We’ve all felt it. But why not create something beautiful from the pain? Each tear you shed during lockdown, gently pipette off thy fine cheek, and dispense into your keep cup.
By the end of lockdown, you should have quite the collection to display pridefully to your friends and family. Art collectors may even be interested. And what the hell, whilst it’s in a cup, why not try a few?
In the words of Dorothy Parker:
“Lips that taste of tears they say, are the best for kissing.”
Mwah x
Photos by Benedict Campbell
Elliot is a PhD Student studying the cognition and evolution of wild primates. As such, he has spent multiple evenings in the rainforest, laying under the stars wondering “why, dear god, did I decide to do this?”. Elliot doesn’t have many formal accolades under his belt; he is, therefore, a comedian of the people. A clown for the every-person. He belongs at The Dump because he is, indisputably, trash.